Proving that the truth is often stranger than fiction, former heavyweight champion
Mike Tyson has endorsed Michael Steele in his quest to become Maryland's newest senator.
Tyson posed for photos with fans, signed autographs and campaigned for Maryland U.S. Senate candidate Michael Steele.
Tyson, wearing a white and blue Steele for U.S. Senate T-shirt, said he used to believe black Republicans were "sellouts." But Tyson said he changed his mind after researching the Maryland lieutenant governor.
"We have to open our eyes more," Tyson said, as he pointed to his T-shirt.
Strangely enough, there's no mention of this on Steele's Web site. I'm sure it's just an oversight, although I guess it's possible that Steele's merry band of lunatics have enough sense to realize that an endorsement from Tyson is about as useful as one from a houseplant or a two-by-four.
Then again, a two-by-four never threatened to eat someone's children. Mike Tyson, on the other hand, once tossed around that idea while preparing to fight Lennox Lewis. From
Salon.com:
"When I'm ready I'm going to rip out his heart and feed it to him," Tyson said of Lewis after the fight Saturday. "My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah."
For a cannibal (UPDATE: or, if the term "cannibal" is now racist, as one commenter has suggested, "a race-neutral conniseur of human flesh"), his vocabulary seems pretty good. But I digress.
Then there was that time when Michael Steele's most famous supporter tried to eat the ears right off of Evander Holyfield's head. From ESPN Classic:
Breathing heavily, Tyson stumbles back as Holyfield charges and nails him with a solid right to the ribcage. Tyson counters with two solid hooks, but neither makes the champion budge. Suddenly, with 40 seconds left in the round, the fight takes an ugly and ghastly turn: Tyson gets Holyfield in a clinch, rolls his head above Holyfield's shoulder, spits out his mouthpiece, and then in an inexplicable and gruesome move, crunches down hard with his teeth on Holyfield's right ear and bites off a chunk.
Everyone in the stadium is mortified, unable to grasp what they have just witnessed. As Tyson spits out the chunk of Holyfield's ear, a bewildered and perplexed Holyfield pushes Tyson away, then hops up and down in a frenzied pain, and spins around in a circle in stinging agony.
But fear not, Steele supporters. Your newest friend doesn't just concern himself with eating human flesh. He's also all about spreading love and affection to the masses -- like that one time he opined publicly about spreading it to fellow boxer Razor Ruddock. From Wikipedia:
He told Ruddock, "Everyone knows you're a transvestite and you love me. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend. I can't wait to get my hands on a pretty thing like you."
Tyson wound up not consummating his relationship with Ruddock, at least not in public. Unfortunately, Michael Steele's newest supporter couldn't always resist such temptation. A few months after threatening to make Ruddock his girlfriend, he was convicted of raping Desiree Washington in an Indianapolis hotel room. He served three years in prison, which is when he apparently discovered that Allah was OK with him eating children.
Random side thought: I wonder if Steele has thought about getting Tyson to do some commercials for him. Nothing says "vote for the guy I support" quite like a big ol' face tattoo.
Tyson's been pretty much out of the limelight since losing a fight to human tomato can Kevin McBride in mid-2005. Fortunately for the Steele campaign, Tyson appears ready and able to get his name back out there in circulation again. Case in point, courtesy of ESPN.com:
The 40-year-old former heavyweight champ promised an entertaining show Friday night when he launches the "Mike Tyson's World Tour" in Youngstown.
At a news conference at an Italian restaurant, Tyson said he would likely go just four rounds and that future stops on the tour might include bouts with women.
And what was Tyson wearing when he openly discussed the idea of beating up women in a public forum? Yes, you guessed it: A Steele for U.S. Senate T-shirt.